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“Be ye kind
one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as
God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you”
(Ephesians
4:32).
Have you ever
watched a parent intervene in a childish squabble, perhaps a
push, a hit, or an unkind word? Mom takes the offender and with
a stern voice admonishes, “Say you’re sorry.” The reluctant
words come out mumbled, head down, toe digging into the ground.
The other child mumbles a quick “okay” as things are uneasily
patched up.
Why it is so
difficult to say those words: “I’m sorry. Forgive me.” Perhaps
just as difficult to say is a sincere, “I forgive you.” None of
us goes through life without at some point being on both sides
of the situation. Sometimes we are the one hurt; other times we
are the offender. Hurts and wrongs alter relationships,
sometimes forever, unless we learn how to build a bridge of
forgiveness to the other person.
The Bible
provides guidelines and examples of how to deal with offenses,
even if the other person never acknowledges the wrong.
·
Realize that
you must forgive to truly experience God’s forgiveness.
“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you (Matthew 6:14). The parable of the
unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35 demonstrates the need
for mercy to receive mercy. (Also read Colossians 3:13.)
·
Make the
first step, even if you are the wronged party.
This seems backwards. Why should the innocent one “give in”?
Read Matthew 5:23-24 for the Lord’s instructions.
I have heard
of family feuds lasting for years, even generations. No one
could quite remember what precipitated the quarrel, but no one
was willing to make the first step towards reconciliation. How
foolish to let it go unresolved because no one will take the
first step.
·
Do not limit
the number of times you are willing to forgive.
We become impatient when a person continually offends and hurts.
Enough, we think! Peter questioned the Lord: “How oft shall my
brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?” No
doubt Peter thought this a generous amount. But the Lord
replied, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until
seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). Four hundred ninety times!
Forgiveness is not justifying or overlooking a wrong. It is a
promise to not keep score, to follow the Lord’s example of not
remembering (Isaiah 43:25).
·
When you
forgive, you do not seek revenge.
“Not
rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but
contrariwise blessing” (I Peter 3:9). As Isaac Friedman said,
“The sweetest revenge is to forgive.” (Also read Proverbs 24:17,
29; Romans 12:14-21.)
·
Guard that
you do not become bitter.
(See Hebrews
12:15.) Remember as a child how you would fall and skin a knee.
Mom always cautioned, “Don’t pick at the scab.” This is sound
advice for emotional wounds as well. It is easy to keep hurts
open and bleeding. This allows infection—bitterness—to get into
your soul. We become reluctant to let the offender off the hook.
·
We cannot
pray effectively if we have an unforgiving spirit.
(See
Matthew 6:23-24; Mark 11:25; Psalm 66:18.) How can an
unforgiving heart commune with the One who forgives
unconditionally? Perhaps you are not even aware of the wrong
attitudes that have crept into your heart. That is why you must
cry as David, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and
know my thoughts” (Psalm 139:23).
Remember,
forgiveness is not a feeling or emotion; it is a conscious
decision of the will to reconcile to another. Be willing to
build of bridge of forgiveness toward reconciliation.
Scriptures
for Meditation:
Matthew
18:21-35; Romans 12:14-21; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13
Suggested
Character Studies on Forgiveness:
Joseph,
David, Stephen, Jesus. Research these and others to see how they
handled the wounds and disappointments of life.
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