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Confronting In Love
Posted On: 5/21/2008  Posted By: DSimler-Goff
by: Debbie  Simler-Goff

 

I hate confrontation. Anytime I have to confront someone I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Especially so in the workplace.Last week for example, I was introducing a new staff member to existing staff from another department. The conversation went something like this:

"Good morning everyone, I'd like you to meet Fran, she's new to our office..." [Silence] "Uh, Good Moooorning, this is Fran, she'll be working with you on Wednesday mornings..." [Again silence.] "Uh, you're Darlene aren't you? Darlene this is Fran." " Yea, hi."

Needless to say, there was zero professional courtesty extended by Darlene and her co-workers. Fran and I left the area and went on about our duties. But this interaction really bothered me. Clearly this issue needed to be addressed. But how?

I took a week to pray about the situation and asked Jesus how He wanted me to handle things. His words from the Holy Bible in Ephesians 4:15 came to me:

"...Speak... the truth in love..."

Pointing out someone's wrong behavior is never easy. I knew I needed Jesus' help so I prayed for Darlene and the other staff members. I asked Jesus to help our relationship. I futher asked Jesus to bless them and prepare their hearts ahead of time for our next encounter.

Shortly thereafter, I spoke to Darlene and her deskmate as kindly as possible and explained my dismay at their response to Fran. They listened to me, but made no comment except to say "okay" . They then abruptly walked away.

The next day I was approached by their supervisor. She asked for my side of the story and said in the future she'd prefer me to come to her directly. I assured her I would.

I'm not sure if all of this will resolve the issue completely. But one thing I am sure of. The Holy Bible offers wisdom and guidance for all of life's problems. By inviting Jesus into my daily challenges with others, I am no longer handling it alone. Jesus knows me and He knows the people I'm having difficulty with. And He alone can send His Holy Spirit to smooth ruffled feathers and ease individual tensions.

What about you? What relationships do you need Jesus' help with today?Rest assured, whether professional or personal, Jesus Christ is deeply interested in their success.Invite Him into your life's situations and watch with amazement at how Jesus works on your behalf!
 
-Debbie

 

Comments/Replies: - [SUBMIT]

1: However much I appreciate your article it occured to me that you were trying to to control how others feel and how they respond. We have no control over others. Absolutely none. Then you turned them in when they didn't respond according to your expectations, Wow! Love would have bore it and moved on. Showing your kindness to her would have been enough for her first day. I can remember saying to my family or friends when they asked how did it go today at your new Job? Well I met one really nice person named "Debbie". P.Freeman
Posted on: 5/21/2008 4:40:05 PM    Posted by: PFreeman


 

2: Actually, Polly, I did not "turn them in" as you say. They spoke to their supervisor who then approached me and asked me what transpired. I wasn't as concerned with controlling their actions as creating a healthy enviroment for this new staff member and others who will soon be joining her to thrive. As a manager, addressing a lack of professionalism is one of my responsibilities. Thanks for writing - even when we disagree on a topic it's healthy to share, discuss and thereby challenge each other to grow. That too is part of the journey...
Posted on: 5/21/2008 10:03:24 PM    Posted by: DSIMLER-GOFF


 

3: I think confrontations are difficult for all of us, whether at work, at home, or elsewhere. In addition to making sure we do it in an attitude of love, I feel it is important to choose the time and place. It should never be where someone else can overhear or when the person is extremely busy (such as in the middle of a big work project). For you, it was clearly part of your job responsibilities as a manager to handle the situation. In other instances, such as someone's actions within the church, I think we need to ask ourselves if it is our place to confront or if this could be better handled by someone closer to the situation or in leadership. If it is indeed something we need to do, then it should be preceded by prayer for God's wisdom and help. Then choose the time and place carefully. God bless. Thanks for a good topic.
Posted on: 6/4/2008 11:11:07 PM    Posted by: LWebb