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Living Faith

Forgiveness
Posted On: 4/10/2008  Posted By: DSimler-Goff
by: Debbie  Simler-Goff

 
She seemed to enjoy making me cry. She delighted in my failures and begrudged my successes. She degraded me.  She shamed me. She rejected me as a child. And she still rejects me as an adult. She has no interest in my husband, my children or my accomplishments.  Even now the memories of her venomous words rape my soul all over again.
 
And yet, I love her. I long for her approval – her acceptance. I pray for reconciliation – for wholeness. And I despise her. I resent her for the emotional battlefield she’s created in our family. For the damage she’s done. For the wounds she’s created.
 
And so I am left with a choice. Forgive or not forgive? Grace or ungrace? Jesus said to forgive others or He would not forgive us (Matthew 6:15 from the Holy Bible). Jesus also said to love your enemies and do good to them.
 
Dietrich Bonhoeffer understood the struggle to forgive those who’ve hurt you.  While being persecuted under Nazi Germany he wrote:
 
“Through the medium of prayer we go to our enemy, stand by his side, and plead for him to God. Jesus does not promise that when we bless our enemies and do good to them they will not despitefully use and persecute us. They certainly will. But not even that can hurt or overcome us, so long as we pray for them…We are doing vicariously for them what they cannot do for themselves.”
 
Bonhoeffer’s words resonate with me.
 
What about you? How do you respond to those who have hurt you? Abused you? Mistreated you? Write and share your struggles, setbacks and victories with the forgiveness process. Let’s talk about it and help each other.
 
-Debbie Simler-Goff

 

Comments/Replies: - [SUBMIT]

1: Greetings Debbie! This was a wonderful post.Reminded me some of my own relationship with my own mother.She passed away a few years back.I'm glad that I made my peace with her a few years before that.I'm now 46 and I still recall so vivdly some of those bad times from my youth.But they do not hurt anymore.Bless you Debbie~Sharon
Posted on: 4/10/2008 5:31:10 PM    Posted by: SGoemaere


 

2: Thanks Sharon, I appreciate your comments. Forgiveness seems to be such a process... Ooohhh that word process is indeed challenging at times! :-)
Posted on: 4/10/2008 8:00:44 PM    Posted by: DSIMLER-GOFF


 

3: Thank you for this article. I too had an abusive parent . My dad told me boys only wanted one thing from homely girls like me. My heart was broken to hear that my father thought I was ugly. I was overcome by worthlessness. It stay'd with me all my life. I am the only one that serves the Lord in my family, to this day. But the Lord is so faithful an generous in His gifts I know have a Godly husband who tells me everyday "Hello beautiful". He did this without me ever telling Him of my painful past. I forgave my father a long time ago. My dad did come to church and go the alter. Maybe one day my dad will be saved. I know this, when you pray for people you begin to see how painful thier life must have been to hurt you. Prayer changes everything. It always has and it always will. Bless you Sister Debbie ,Love Polly
Posted on: 4/25/2008 2:03:51 PM    Posted by: PFreeman


 

4: While I have not personally experienced the pain of having an abusive parent that you speak about in your blog, I've observed it in the lives of friends who endured bad situations. It is so easy to say, "Forgive them." It is more difficult to work through the pain and come to that place where we can forgive. Fortunately, God will help us in the process. I think of that verse which says, “. . . forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). I can forgive because I am forgiven. Bless you for sharing your heart.
Posted on: 4/29/2008 10:02:45 PM    Posted by: RPainter


 

5: Forgiveness is never easy and it is easy to tell others to do so. I too have abusive relatives and I am just learning to let go and leave the past buried. It truly is a process. Even as I write this out I feel the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. But I know that even though I cannot control my feelings I can control my behavior and my choices. I can choose to be Christ-like in my actions and my thoughts towards those who have hurt me, because I know I have hurt others myself. It is difficult but the most rewarding and beneficial things in life are the difficult ones. are they not.
Posted on: 5/24/2008 4:28:01 PM    Posted by: kwhite